♪ Me and ♪
♪ Mrs. ♪
♪ Mrs. Barone ♪
♪ Mrs. Barone Mrs. Barone Mrs. Barone ♪
♪ Don't got a thing going on ♪♪
[sniffs] Whoa.
- Huh! - Ah! Aah!
Ray!
I'm in here!
I forgot deodorant.
Get out!
- What is that? - Out!
- You have a mustache. - Out!
Sorry!
Sir.
Ray, why did you walk in on me?
- You have a mustache. - What's the matter with you?
You don't even knock?
- You have a mustache. - What're you..
You just gonna barge in on me?
I forgot deodorant. You have a mustache.
It's not a mustache. It's a little peach fuzz.
Well, h-how long, how long have you--
What? What? How long have I what, Ray?
Been sporting that?
For as long as you've known me
and for as long as you've known me
I've bleached it, and it's not a mustache!
- Let me look at it. - Would you stop?
Don't examine me! You should be apologizing to me!
I'm sorry. Nature can be cruel.
You just don't walk in on somebody.
You weren't even supposed to be here anymore.
Hey, you walk in on me all the time.
'Cause you don't close the door.
That's 'cause I have nothing to hide.
Trust me. You do.
You know, the bathroom was the last place
I had any privacy, and now that's gone.
I could build you a tree house.
I never get to be alone. Never!
You're with me, or the kids are with me,
and when the kids are gone, I'm still not alone
'cause your parents walk in here all the time.
I mean, you get to leave, you know?
You go to work, and you're alone in your car and the office
and I just need some time to my..
What are you smiling about?
I'm just picturing you tying a young girl
to the railroad tracks. Heh-heh-heh!
I don't have a mustache!
Alright! Alright! Alright! Come on.
You want some time alone? That'll stop the yelling?
- Yes, Ray. - Alright, alright. Let's do it.
What do we do?
You could go, take the kids, and do something.
The kids? That's more yelling.
Yes, Ray, that's how I get to be alone.
You could take them to the park
for an afternoon once in a while.
A whole afternoon?
Alright, Ray, take them over to your mother's
and she can babysit all of you.
Alright. We'll do it. We'll do it tomorrow, okay?
But you got to promise to keep up the maintenance
on the old soup strainer.
Come on.
That's it. That's all I got.
Except Groucho, something about Groucho.
Alright, come on. Look at the bright side.
The mustache will distract me from the cellulite.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, ma. - Hi, dear.
- Come on. - Hello, darling.
Can the kids watch a video over here?
Oh, certainly. Why? Your VCR is not working?
No, no, it's working.
I just thought we could come over here
and, you know, hang.
Oh, how wonderful. Go on, darling.
Come on. Go watch your videos.
[chuckles]
Frank, the kids are here.
Buckle your pants.
Where's Debra?
- Nowhere. She's home. - Oh?
Yeah, she just wanted some time to herself.
- Time to herself? - Yeah.
Hey, you got pudding snacks?
What does that mean, time to herself?
She just wants time to, I don't know
be alone, relax.
Be alone without you?
Without everybody.
I don't like this.
What the hell is wrong with those kids?
They're always sticky.
Debra wants time away from Raymond.
It's an afternoon, ma. It's no big deal.
Oh, but it is.
Raymond, dear, a marriage is about being together
about closeness.
[scoffs]
- She's right. - What?
It is about closeness
about how much closeness you can take
about how close you can get to killing her
before you kill yourself.
Well, I did it.
Around the block in 37 minutes.
He beat your record, Marie.
What am I rushing back to?
Raymond, you need to go home
and put a stop to Debra's behavior.
- Aw. - It's not right.
Look, it's an afternoon. It's nothing, alright?
She just wants time to be alone.
Yeah, when I was married to Joanne
she wanted time alone.
She used it to pack up and move out.
Raymond, whatever happens
you and I are keeping the children.
Oh, ma, alright, will you stop?
Check her credit card statement.
Look for the word "U-haul."
Look, s-she's probably over there
just doing girl stuff.
What kind of girl stuff?
I don't know. I don't know.
Bubble bath, trying on outfits
walking around with a book on her head.
Whatever helps you sleep at night, peaches.
Hey, look, I don't care what you think, alright?
You don't have the facts.
Debra has a mustache.
Do you mean a lover?
No! No, no, mom!
And could you please never say the word "lover?"
I mean, she's got a-a
a lipular forestation..
...you know..
...fuzz thing, that's all.
She just needs time for that kind of
maintenance.
Hey, I don't want to alarm you, son
but even if she had a big, woolly lumberjack beard
she wouldn't need a whole afternoon.
Raymond, there's something going on.
Alright, I don't care
what she's doing over there, alright?
I gave her some time alone, and whatever she's doing
it's alright with me, alright?
I-I totally understand, so let's just drop it.
It's eating you up alive, isn't it, kid?
No! No, it isn't.
- Where you going? - I'm going outside, alright?
Huh? Or do you think you're the king of where I go?
'Cause you're not, okay? Nobody is.
Very good, Robbie.
Team effort.
[instrumental music]
[sobbing]
[continues sobbing]
Hey, Robert?
Yeah?
What are you doing?
Physical therapy.
What do you want?
She-she was crying.
What? Debra was crying?
- Yeah. - What did you do?
Uh, nothing. No..
Nothing. I just, I looked in the window
and she was sitting on the couch, crying.
Well, I didn't tell you to go spy on her.
Yeah, alright. I already got that lecture from the mailman.
Well, was she watching a sad movie or something?
No. The TV wasn't even on.
What's she crying about?
What're you asking me for? Go talk to your wife.
I can't talk to her now.
She'll know that I was looking in the window.
Looking in the window.
Alright, so don't ask her.
Just go back over there, and see what's wrong.
You know, be a husband!
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
She could have done so much better.
Honey? Hello?
Yeah, hi, Ray. I'm right here.
Oh, hi. Hi. Hey, I'm not here. You're still alone.
[chuckles] That's okay. What's up?
Nothing. I just came by 'cause my mom wants her big spoon back.
Yeah, you know how she is about that damn big spoon.
So I'll just, I'm gonna get that
and I'll be on my way, then, the spoon.
Okay. There it is.
- Okay. - Here you go.
- See you later. - Okay.
How you doing? You alright? You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine. - Okay. Good, good.
We're good over there too.
Huh.. So you're good? You alright?
You didn't, like, stub your toe or anything?
- Stub my toe? - Yeah, you know, it's, like..
It's, like, an expression. I-I-I made that up.
It's like when you're in a play
you say, you say, "break a leg."
this is like, you know..
It's like a small, if you were in, like, a small place
t-that doesn't make sense, but that's..
That's what's.. Alright, let me get the big spoon back.
- Okay, see you later. - Okay.
[instrumental music]
I don't get it.
She still crying?
No, no.
She's fine. It, it was spooky.
What are you doing now?
- Clenches. - Oh.
Will you stop working your ass for a minute?
Ninety-eight.
Ninety-nine.
A hundred. Yeah.
Let that bull try me now.
I could open a jar of pickles with this thing.
What's going on? I mean, why, why is Debra crying?
Well, obviously, she's upset
and she doesn't want you to know.
- What did you do? - I don't know. I..
I joked around a little about the old cookie duster.
That's all.
Yeah, well, maybe you hurt her feelings.
No. She was a little annoyed.
It was two days ago, and she made 100 jokes
about my big nose, okay? It's over.
Alright, other than the crying
has she been acting differently?
No. No. She's been acting normal.
- Oh, no. - what?
Acting normal. What if the whole thing's an act?
What if the crying is real, and all the rest is an act?
You know, the whole,
"Oh, you're a wonderful husband, Ray.
"Oh, oh, we have such a happy life, Ray.
"I love you, Ray. Bye, Ray.
I hate Ray."
- I could see that. - Come on. No.
I mean, it makes sense. It makes sense.
She's always complaining about me.
I fall asleep with the TV on.
I-I don't help out around the house.
She bought me that expensive mouthwash.
I never use it, right?
She can't take it anymore.
Nah, that's not it. But I don't want to lie to you.
A couple minutes with the mouthwash
would be time well-spent.
She thinks I'm a, I'm a lousy, bad-breathed husband.
Look, it's not like Debra didn't know
what she was getting.
Yeah, alright, but after ten years now
she's sick of it, but, but she could tell me.
She could talk to me. She tells me everything else.
Why is she sitting there crying?
I feel for you, cubby.
- Hi, honey. - Hi.
Oh, hey, let me, let me get that for you.
- That's okay. I got it. - No.
I wanna put that away for you.
- What's wrong with you? - No, let me do this.
I wanna help out around here.
Let me put the laundry away!
Where does it go?
Would you...just let me do it, please, okay?
What's the matter with you?
Oh, nothing, just trying to pitch in.
That's all.
[exhaling heavily] How are you?
What?
[exhaling heavily] How are you?
That's nice, huh?
- Smells minty. - Yeah.
Trying to prove to me you haven't been drinking?
I'm sorry I've been kind of jerky the last couple years.
Who said you were jerky?
You don't have to say it.
I know.
What do you mean, you know?
Look, you don't have to hide your feelings.
I know why you cry.
What are you talking about?
Were you watching me today?
- Look, it's okay. - Oh, my God!
Ray, I tell you I need privacy, so you spy on me?
It's not spying if you love the person.
That's what peeping toms say.
Look, that's not the point.
You, you, you regret your life with me.
- I do not! - Oh, don't insult me, okay?
Come on. We both know that I'm lazy.
I-I don't help out with the kids
and until recently, my breath has been questionable.
You know, now I almost hope you've been drinking.
Come on, look, I'm trying to make an effort here!
Yeah? Why don't you try not spying on me?
If you thought I was a better husband
I wouldn't have to spy on you.
- You are an egomaniac. - What?
You think everything's about you.
My crying had nothing to do with you.
You want to know why I was crying?
'Cause I was in the mood.
- In the mood? - Yeah, that's right.
I just felt like it. It's cathartic.
Alright, we have to get a dictionary for in here.
You know that commercial where the little kid's
making soup for his sister
and how every time it comes on, I get all choked up?
- Yeah. - Okay, I like that.
Sometimes I just like to cry. It's like a release.
So you saw the soup commercial this afternoon?
No, I was just in the mood, and I made myself cry.
Well, how do you do that?
I take my mascara off
and sometimes I put on a sad song
and I make a crying face
and it just comes out.
What song?
Theme from "Ice Castles."
- Really? - Yes.
I was having a good cry. That's all it is.
You know, haven't you ever heard of
you know, somebody singing the blues?
So all of a sudden
you're this old blues-singing guy
with a mustache?
See, that's why I wanted alone time today
because, obviously, this isn't something
I can explain to you.
Okay, so you cry because I'm stupid.
I eat ice cream because you're stupid.
Look, I, I just don't like you crying.
[sighs]
Ray, listen. Here, come here.
Just sit down, okay?
I just..
I-I don't know how I can explain this to you.
I want you to understand, but I-I just like doing it.
I-it makes me feel good.
Okay.
What, haven't you ever just felt like crying?
Yeah, when something happens, you know?
When I slam my finger in a car door.
Uh, I mean, I'm a human being
but I don't like to cry.
I don't schedule time to cry.
Maybe you should. Maybe that would be good for you.
Alright, I'll get my calendar
and put teardrops on Wednesday.
Okay, Ray. Okay, you know what? I..
I want to just give you something to think about, okay?
- Just look at me. - What?
Look at me. Look at me!
I just want you to feel some honest emotions
a-and then let's see how you do with that, alright?
Okay, the night Ally was born. Remember that?
That was this really long labor
and you were so worried about it.
And then she came, and, oh, my God
she was just so beautiful.
And then the doctor handed her to you
and he said
"Here's your daughter."
[laughs]
- You are a monster! - I'm not a monster.
I'm just.. Okay, then I cried, but you're trying to
you're trying to manufacture this thing
and you're making that-that face.
It's just, it's-it's funny.
That's fine. That's fine, Ray.
- It's funny. It's funny. - Alright.
I feel good, though. I do.
Maybe you should schedule time for laughing.
- Okay. - Heh-heh.
How about the time you were in the fifth grade
and you came home, and you found out
your parents gave your dog away?
That's not funny.
How did that make you feel?
- Shut up. - Uh-huh.
How'd you feel about that, Ray, huh?
What was your dog's name?
Shamsky number one, wasn't it?
They gave your dog away.
[mock sobbing]
- You! - Ah!
Ah! Come on!
Hey.
If you if you hit me, I'll cry, if you hit me.
Come on.
What? Alright, so I didn't cry. What's the big deal?
You know, just forget it, Ray.
I mean, I'm trying to get you to understand something
but I guess it doesn't matter.
Alright, how about this?
I got a, I got a great idea for tomorrow.
Since you like to be alone and cry
a-and my mom likes to be with the kids
and I happen to like golf..
I have a better idea.
Remember how you wanted to help me with the laundry earlier?
Uh-oh.
There's two more loads downstairs.
No, honey, honey, listen--
And then you need to go to your folks' house
and get the kids and take them shoe shopping.
Oh, my God! What happened?
No! Come on! We were just talking here.
Oh, yeah. Well, I liked it.
I like that you want to be a better husband.
Yeah, but I want to do it gradually!
Come on, how about, how about I'll let you cry
and I won't even look in the window.
And keep using that mouthwash.
Oh, come on. No.
This-this-this hasn't worked out well.
Oh, I think it's worked out very well.
[maniacal laughter]
["Ice Castles" theme song]
♪ Please don't let this feeling end ♪
♪ It's everything I am ♪
♪ Everything I want to be ♪
♪ I can see what's mine now ♪
♪ Finding out what's true ♪
♪ Since I found you ♪
♪ Looking through the eyes of love ♪
♪ Now I can take the time ♪
♪ I can see my.. ♪♪
[funky soul music]
♪ Hey sister go sister ♪
♪ Soul sister go sister ♪
♪ Hey sister go sister ♪
♪ Soul sister go sister ♪
♪ He met Marmalade down in old New Orleans ♪
♪ Strutting her stuff on the street ♪
♪ She said hello hey Joe ♪
♪ You want to give it a go? mm-hmm ♪
♪ Gitchi gitchi ya-ya da-da ♪
♪ Gitchi gitchi ya-ya here ♪♪
[theme music]
[instrumental music]